tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86199052011-07-31T16:59:48.066+08:00A place where my thoughts become words, An interpretation of myself in this life...ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.comBlogger341100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1354478779641771712010-04-15T12:09:00.001+08:002010-04-15T12:10:30.849+08:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, Geneva, Swiss, SunSans-Regular; font-size: 12px; color: rgb(66, 122, 78); -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 1px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 1px; "><div>Angels Cry</div><div><br /></div>I shouldn’t have walked away<br />I would’ve stayed if you said<br />We could’ve made everything OK<br />But we just<br />Threw the blame back and forth<br />We treated love like a sport<br />The final blow hit so low<br />I’m still on the ground<br /><br />I couldn’t have prepared myself for this fall<br />Shattered in pieces curled on the floor<br />Super natural love conquers all<br />‘Member we used to touch the sky<br />And Lightning don’t strike<br />The same place twice<br />When you and I said goodbye<br />I felt the angels cry<br />True love’s a gift<br />We let it drift<br />In a storm<br />Every night<br />I feel the angels cry<br /><br />C’mon babe can’t our love be revived<br />Bring it back and we gon’ make it right<br />I’m on the edge just tryin’ to survive<br />As the angels cry<br /><br />Ne-Yo:<br />I thought we’d be forever and always<br />You were serenity<br />You took away the bad days<br />Didn’t always treat you right<br />But it was OK<br />I do somethin’ stupid<br />And you still stay with me<br /><br />But you can only go for so long<br />Doing the one you claim to love wrong<br />Before too much is enough<br />You look up<br />Find your love gone<br />And We were so good together<br />How come we could not weather<br />This storm and just do better<br />Why did we say goodbye<br /><br />‘Cause lightning don’t strike<br />The same place twice<br />When you and I said goodbye<br />I felt the angels cry<br />True love’s a gift<br />We let it drift<br />In a storm<br />Now every night<br />I feel the angels cry<br /><br />Mariah &amp; Ne-Yo:<br />C’mon babe can’t our love be revived<br />Bring it back and we gon’ make it right<br />I’m on the edge just tryin’ to survive<br />As the angels cry<br /><br />Baby I’m missin’ you<br />Don’t allow love to lose<br />We gotta ride it through<br />I’m reaching for you<br /><br />Baby I’m missin’ you<br />Don’t allow love to lose<br />We gotta ride it through<br />I’m reaching for you<br /><br />Lightning don’t strike<br />The same place twice<br />When you and I said goodbye<br />I felt the angels cry<br />True love’s a gift<br />But we let it slip<br />In a storm<br />Every night<br />I feel the angels cry<br /><br />Oh babe, the angels cry</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-135447877964177171?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-48373234858361907852010-03-18T00:33:00.002+08:002010-03-18T00:47:40.125+08:00Sayang, i dunno why... but when times are good, i always screw up... i just had a funny feeling that you'll call and true enough u did... then again, its like somehow i knew you may just be ard... there's a few things that came to my mind when u called...<div><br /></div><div>scenario 1:</div><div>you are at my school and waited to surprise me, but only to find out im not there... i'm already feeling guilty as it is coz if i said i didn't go, i'll feel damn bad... though i'll get scolded, but i noe the damage is already done...</div><div><br /></div><div>scenario 2:</div><div>lie abt it and hope u buy the idea... unfortunately, u will still find out... haiz...</div><div><br /></div><div>scenario 3: </div><div>tell u the truth, and get f**ked for it... and then find out later u were actually there at my school waiting for me in vain... </div><div><br /></div><div>in whatever scenarios, im sure to get f**ked, feel bad and guilty all rolled up into one... sometimes, u do the most wonderful things when i least expect it... i dunno sayang... im really screwed up... seriously, at certain times, i just wish that i could just die... </div><div><br /></div><div>otherwise, its just wishful thinking on my part, i would feel even worse if i knew u came down, despite the fact ur bike already has problems... haiz... sayang... im in a dilemma... both ways, i'll just disappoint you... and im sorry i didn't update you that i didn't go for class... i should have and avoided all these drama...</div><div><br /></div><div>im sorry...</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-4837323485836190785?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-80506983213592360412009-12-02T11:58:00.002+08:002009-12-02T12:21:55.887+08:00im beginning to understand what it takes to love somebody. at least, i hope so... <div><br /></div><div>when she left, i thought my world would end. in a way, it did for a moment. but after listening and understanding her needs, i realized i have been tying her down. she's still young and she has a lot going on for her. the things i've shared with her (mainly about what i want) was slowly strangling and choking her. it was a mistake on my part truthfully. </div><div><br /></div><div>i didn't realize that she loved me so much that she gave in to everything that I WANTED... not what SHE WANTED. i was blinded by the expectations and the ideal vision that everything i was doing was for us, but the fact remained that it was what i thought and assumed. i didn't fully discussed and consult her about it.</div><div><br /></div><div>we belong in two different worlds as she said, i partially agree. it's just an age gap, nothing more than that! i failed to realize that she's still a girl. a girl that i fell in love with. she needed someone of her age group, not mine... for that, i'm willing to turn back my own clock for her. if you asked me, i'd say she's worth every single moment of it!</div><div><br /></div><div>after talking to her last night, for the very first time, i listened to what she needed, someone to listen to her. i understood her fears, her hopes and her dreams! and true enough, i was weighing her down. being of different age and lifestyle puts us in different status also.</div><div><br /></div><div>i guess it's too late to reverse back time and change things! I love her still - very much it moves me to tears. as much as she wants to end this, i know she still has feelings for me. i can feel it when she holds me, when she smiles at me, when she kisses me.</div><div><br /></div><div>i just hope that with time, i could show her that i love her unconditionally. i guess it's time that i show her my love, instead of telling her but not doing it. if it means that i could see her again and not say but show her how much i love her, i'd rather settle for that than not having to see her at all.</div><div><br /></div><div>I Love You, Kat...</div><div><br /></div><div>I know things may not be what it used to be, but given time, I hope we could renew our promise to each other...</div><div><br /></div><div>Loving you always, Shai...</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-8050698321359236041?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-21348548212429967172009-11-24T17:01:00.003+08:002009-11-24T17:22:53.263+08:00I dunno where to begin... what started out as a beautiful thing, suddenly ended just like dat... why must things turn out this way - again... i shed tears for days... hoping that i could move you with it... apparently, it is not enough... u told me that you wanna stay as friends... u told me u can't commit... i noe... i have to honour that request... even though it is consuming me from the inside... <div><br /></div><div>i wanna cry out loud coz im in pain... at times ive contemplated suicide... seriously... i was shocked when u updated ur profile... i guess i have no say anyway... i still love u regardless... it sucks... to noe that the one you love, wants to cut ties immediately... revert to friendship and yet, she loves you still... my only fear... to see you in someone else's arms... this means, i'm as good as dead... i guess that's when my life ends... <div><br /></div><div>im in complete utter turmoil... i can hardly eat... i can hardly sleep... all my thoughts... in the memories... bittersweet memories that makes my tears flow... where do i stand? i dun even dare to think abt it... where do u stand? i guess you know... i love you still... and if i could turn back time... i wish i could prevent all this from happening...</div><div><br /></div><div>i wanted to leave something on her facebook... but i decided not to... which explains why this blog is reactivated... a place to pour my heart and soul out... i will be missing her all the time... and as im typing this, im trying to hold back the tears once more... will you come back to me...? i dun dare to think abt it... i will only end up in depression...</div><div><br /></div><div>i love you dear... if only you knew...</div><div><br /></div></div><div>a translation of my feelings for the day...</div><div>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh29K1q-kb8&amp;feature=related</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-2134854821242996717?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-31769334022640936942009-08-18T16:33:00.002+08:002009-08-18T16:47:56.015+08:00I dunno wads wrong with me lately... late nights... toking to her on skype... till like 3-4am almost everyday... is this wad u called love? obsession? or the romantic part? haha... wadever it is... its like a drug... and im enjoying it every night...<div><br /></div><div>its been a looonnng time since i last behaved like this... the interesting part... we are only dating... and dating in this way, exclusively, is pretty unique and different to begin with... no doubt, i love being with her every second... despite being cute... in a physical way... i wanna squeeze her like a doll every time i see her...</div><div><br /></div><div>its nice having someone to tok to everyday... having someone to look forward to meet you at the end of the day... best thing of all... she lives practically a stone throw away from me... </div><div><br /></div><div>at this present moment, i just wanna help her get thru her sketchy past... i noe... its not gonna be easy... but i noe from her, that as each day passes by, she feels more for me...</div><div><br /></div><div>toking to her last night... cleared a lot of things btw us... for a fact, she was touched by wad i said that it moved her to tears... i guess i managed to find my inner soul by baring it out all to her... at least, she noes im serious abt this...</div><div><br /></div><div>wad is it like to fall in love again? i dunno how to describe it... weirdly... it felt familiar... the things i normally used to do for my loved one... its coming back to me now... i just wish that she would get over the past and finally move on along with me... there's so many things i wanna do with her... looking ahead, i wanna go on a holiday with her... something that i was never able to do with my exes... at least, i got the go ahead from my folks... next up, maybe a weekend trip to KL or Mersing... </div><div><br /></div><div>as im typing this, listening to 'di yi ge qing chen', on auto loop, i feel renewed and alive again... finally, im moving on with life...</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-3176933402264093694?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-22204893209085552722009-08-17T01:01:00.002+08:002009-08-17T01:21:28.553+08:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Hmm,</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">its amazing wad 5 days can do to u... ive always thought 3days of camp would bring abt pple closer... making them feel like they've known each other for months... but i guess god brought u forth for a reason... and i thank you for it...</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"Now That I Found You"<br /><br />How can I believe that my<br />Heart would find someone like you<br />You see the real me<br />No in-betweens, I had nowhere to hide<br />You took away the walls around me<br />Made me feel safe to share my truth<br /><br />I see the heavens open<br />A heart that once was broken<br />Is holding nothing back<br />Now that I found you<br />You hold me like a prayer<br />And touch me everywhere<br />A lifetime just ain't enough<br />To love you true<br />Now that I found you<br />Now that I found (you)<br /><br />You believe we're meant to be<br />Our chemistry will last forever<br />And through the years we'll see some tears<br />We'll conquer fears<br />Together we will grow<br />Looking in your eyes they tell me<br />I'll no longer have to be alone<br /><br />You, you see me<br />The real me<br />You believe in me<br /><br />So glad that I found you</span></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-2220489320908555272?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-89376277421779757872009-08-02T21:22:00.000+08:002009-08-02T21:25:00.226+08:00Haha...<br /><br />It's been 3 freaking years since i last blogged... haiz... a lot has changed... but tonight, im starting with reactivating my account... so if anyone's following my posts... stay tuned... coz shaiguy is back!!!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-8937627742177975787?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1151249948276317192006-06-25T22:59:00.000+08:002006-06-25T23:39:08.333+08:00its been sometime again since i last blogged... this is bad... is it just me or do i really dun have the time for myself... just turned 23 last week... not many wished me happy birthday... not that i cared or anything but seems to make realize things arent the same no more... ive lost a lot of things... kinda of make me think abt jerry maguire... a man who was at the peak and fell and lost everything... i tink im gonna get that dvd tmr...<br /><br />been feeling down lately... esp ever since after my bdae... was actually wishing... or rather hoped that she would at least sms me a happy bdae msg... but it was wishful thinking... time to move on idiot... i have to admit... im moving on... but i havent moved on yet... lately... a few pple has been telling me that i looked stress... i even sounded stress... hmm... and i always tell them the same thing... im not...<br /><br />but looking back... its more of frustration as each day goes by... why? i dun even noe myself... so many new things for me to do, for me to try... its not easy but i get by... i never use the word stress for myself... and for my dear frends whos reading this blog.... let it be known that shai isnt stress... its just a different side of me... just wanna share with the whole world that shai isnt the fun, cheerful, bubbly guy u all used to noe... as much i wanna be happy... a lot of things are at the back of my mind...<br /><br />in retrospect, ive never been a friendly person... or rather my reserved side never got a chance to surface... ive always potrayed that side more towards my loved one... well, at least thats in the past.... right now... that side has emerged totally and taken a form on its own... which is me now... i was so used to sharing my ups and downs and my woes to my other half that wad i potrayed to my frends has always been my cheerful side... now that when i think back.... my ex has always been thinking for me and carrying the burden... and now, im carrying the burden on my own...<br /><br />i dun think i have reached to a point where ive become withdrawn from the world... but i guess i noe who my frends are now... its not gonna be easy... but i noe its a very long road to perdition... acceptance... and forgiveness... i dunno how long its gonna take but i can see it when it comes to work... sometimes i feel that things are just too much for me to handle... but i have to learn to take it in a stride... there are times when i feel that the pressure is too much too... at that very moment, i feel like breaking down and cry... in despair... but i have to hold on... i have to be strong... i cant give up on myself...<br /><br />there are times even when i felt that no one is supporting me when i work... thats just crap... i guess im paying my dues now... is it retribution? i dunno myself... i wanna have someone in myself now... i guess its time for me to pick myself up and take care of myself... maybe i can start by being more sensible... i dunnoe... maybe for a start i should not think too much... wad to do? im on my own now... i just hope, someone could step into my life now...<br /><br />toking abt that, i just realized... i need to renew myself... a special someone would make a difference in me now... come to think of it... if i could have a gf, i would hope she could compliment me in my life... right now, its my career, studies and my family... i have to find the balance... i do have someone in mind but i dunno whether it'll work out... havent asked her out yet... but i guess i gotta give it a try....<br /><br />hmm, my idea of a gf now.... someone who is homely... someone whom i would rather have over at my place to spend the day with me... to cook for me and vice versa... watch a movie together and cuddle up in the couch... coz right now... i dun consider window shopping as 'spending time'... i need a more meaningful relationship... to me meaningful is like going thru a journey that 2 individuals take the time to explore... of course there will be the honeymoon period, and so on... but i hope that special someone could love me... for who i am...<br /><br />a broken man, torn within, aimless in my direction abt things that makes me who i am... coz i need... the person who can bring out the best in me... are u the one?<br /><br />"Best In Me"<br /><br />From the moment I met you I just knew you'd be mine<br />You touched my hand and I knew that this was gonna be our time<br />I don't ever wanna lose this feeling, I don't wanna spend a moment apart<br /><br />Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do<br />That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you<br /><br />Every day that I'm here with you I know that it feels right<br />And I've just got to be near you every day and every night<br />And you know that we belong together, it just had to be you and me<br /><br />Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do<br />That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you<br /><br />And you know that we belong together, it just had to be you and me<br /><br />Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do<br />That's why I'm by your side<br /><br />Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do<br />That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you<br /><br />Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do<br />That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-115124994827631719?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1149447377484331172006-06-05T01:53:00.000+08:002006-06-05T02:56:17.580+08:00Damn, how long has it been since i last blogged... hmm... its bad... for those whom been reading my blog... hopefully it wont be another month b4 i can update it again... to be honest, i dun even noe where or even how to begin. been a challenging month... now i noe wads working life is abt... and boy its demanding... so many things to do... so little time... sometimes i dun even noe where to begin... there's mental and even physical... and this is the first time i fall sick a few times in a month... this is bad... i try... as hard as i can to bear with a lot of things... sometimes certain situations really test my patience... but this is life...<br /><br />the best thing i can do is stand up for my right if i feel that im being treated unfairly... and at the same time i have to humble myself... i noe im in no position to hold my head high but i dun think i should let them step over me... haiz, office politics... its everywhere... stupid... more and more things are coming my way now... i feel like shit sometimes... office work is one thing... swimming classes is another...<br /><br />i dunno why but im quite disturbed by the fact that i have to coach sometimes... im not complaining... but i dunno why i have this fear to coach... maybe im lazy... maybe i dun wanna coach at all... but i guess... im actually debating with myself now... im torn between the positive and negative...<br /><br />i dunno when things will eventually take a toll on me... but i guess it has already started... but i have to persevere... im sticking to my swimming regime... i must... at least that can be a stress buster for me... i realized, if i dun exercise, i get lethargic after a day's work... and i will normally concuss when i get home... i do notice a change now... but i must continue... hopefully i can achieve my dream by the end of this year... countdown... looking forward to it...<br /><br />my feelings... haha... dun even get me started... i dunno whether im healing... healed or even bleeding... i dunno whether i should be honest anymore online... but i guess i shouldnt bother anymore... yeah... for the record... i am interested in someone... but i feel inadequate... sometimes she blows hot... sometimes she blows cold... i dunno wad to expect... the surprising thing is, im actually having feelings for her... she can be adorable sometimes... and superficial at times... i dunno how to react... we talked last night... so i guess i confessed to her... haiz... i dunno... sometimes, she shows she cares... sometimes... she just ignores... i dunnoe whats next...<br /><br />normally, im not daunted to take the steps towards a ger... at least, for a fact that im sure i can be with her... but this ger... i dun even noe how to say it... on a normal situation... i can take the steps full steam ahead... but she's the first ger i have to reverse and then re take my steps forward... y am i feeling this way? sometimes i feel that she may not be interested... and i get disappointed... and i try to move on... then she suddenly happens to appear in my life again... i dun even noe wad im toking abt... there are times when she will tok abt the other guy... but if she could onli realize how i feel every time she brings him up?<br /><br />thats wad i mean by being superficial... yeah a car is an asset... muscular body... a plus... but is that all u think abt? u can be ambitious, i dun mind, u can be driven, fine, but i dun think i can bear all that... maybe im weak or maybe its my feelings for u... but i dun even noe wad to do abt this feeling... this is lame... im going crazy!!! and i just realized... she's waiting for him to end his exams so she can go out with him... its at this point i realized that im a spare tyre again... shai... u r an idiot... a fool...<br /><br />i guess... wad i can do now is to leave it to fate... yeah... i leave it to u to decide... and if u r reading this... its basically how i feel... i do have feelings for u but i dun noe how to explain it... i cant do much... im in no position wadsoever now... at least for the time being... coz i have nothing on me... im just starting out... and if u have certain expectations, i dun think i can commit to it in terms of finance nor assets... but u noe wad i can give... myself... call me a romantic... wadever... but at the end of the day i just wanna be the person u can spend the day with...<br /><br />i cant afford to look for another minor who expects me to commit everytime... seriously, my idea of spending time is to have someone i can love to spend the day with me at home... where we can do laundry, cook, watch a movie and cuddle up in a couch... i seriously dun think window shopping is my kind of idea for spending time... those were the old days... im looking for a woman, a lady not a girl... will u be that woman?<br /><br />crap... its time i get a lot of shit outta my head... gotta go sleep... swimming tmr... glenn's outing too... damn... im at the lowest now...<br /><br />"What's Left Of Me"<br /><br />Watch my life<br />Pass me by<br />In the rear view mirror<br />Pictures frozen in time<br />Are becoming clearer<br />I don't wanna waste another day<br />Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes<br />Yeah...<br /><br />Cause I want you<br />And I feel you<br />Driving underneath my skin<br />Like a hunger<br />Like a burning<br />To find a place I've never been<br />Now I'm broken<br />And I'm faded<br />I'm half the man I thought I would be<br />But you can have what's left of me<br /><br />I've been dying inside<br />Little by little<br />No where to go<br />But going out of my mind<br />In endless circles<br />Running from my self until<br />You give me a reason for standing still<br /><br />Cause I want you<br />And I feel you<br />Driving underneath my skin<br />Like a hunger<br />Like a burning<br />To find a place I've never been<br />Now I'm broken<br />And I'm faded<br />I'm half the man I thought I would be<br />But you can have what's left of me<br /><br />It's falling faster<br />Barely breathing<br />Give me something<br />To believe in<br />Tell me It's not all in my head<br /><br />Take what's left<br />Of this man<br />Make me whole<br />Once again<br /><br />Cause I want you<br />And I feel you<br />Driving underneath my skin<br />Like a hunger<br />Like a burning<br />To find a place I've never been<br />Now I'm broken<br />And I'm faded<br />I'm half the man I thought I would be<br />But you can have all that's left<br />What's left of me<br /><br />I've been dying inside you see<br />Im going out of my mind<br />Out of my mind<br /><br />I'm just running in circles all the time<br />Will you take what's left<br />Will you take what's left<br />Will you take what's left of me?<br /><br />Running in circles all the time<br />Will you take what's left<br />Will you take what's left<br />Will you take what's left of me?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114944737748433117?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1146045465060864312006-04-26T17:04:00.000+08:002006-04-26T18:03:25.886+08:00okie... its been over a week since i last blogged... this is bad... no internet at home is a killer... im almost dying for a fact that ive been working quite a fair bit at office... physically, im tougher now... with the almost regimental swimming schedule, office work, preparing my marketing materials and so on... i feel good coz im comfortable working and meeting clients... gonna have an interesting life soon... fast paced life is good... but when u slow down, its bad...<br /><br />emotionally, i dunno myself... it quite a turmoil inside out and outside in... i have been having weird dreams abt my ex, and for the past 2 dreams its been abt us getting back together... lolS... like dats gonna happen... but ive always been telling myself... if that thing happens, how? i noe its onli wishful thinking on my part but let's say i moved on... and she happens to cross my path... would i say yes? let that happen one day and i'll face it... or it may never happen at all... oh well...<br /><br />sad to say, for my frends who may read this, yeah, it another depression... but not abt my ex though... its wanting to have someone in my life... i dun feel complete... im over her already... yupS... i wanna have someone in my life... dammit... i spoke to lisa last nite and she asked me 3 times whether i love my princess and 3 times i said no... she doesn't believe me though... why i said no was becoz she's attached... and besides... i asked her b4 that if she wasnt attached, would i stand a chance? i already have an answer frm her...<br /><br />yeah, some of my frends are probably gonna leave a comment after i wrote this but yeah... im lonesome... frends are frends... but i need someone in my life... someone who can say she loves me, misses me and yet not clingy and independent... impossible, yeah i noe... but i believe there's someone out there... for me... oh well...<br /><br />"Better Man"<br /><br />Send someone to love me<br />I need to rest in arms<br />Keep me safe from harm<br />In pouring rain<br /><br />Give me endless summer<br />Lord I fear the cold<br />Feel I'm getting old<br />Before my time<br /><br />As my soul heals the shame<br />I will grow through this pain<br />Lord I'm doing all I can<br />To be a better man<br /><br />Go easy on my conscience'<br />Cause it's not my fault<br />I know I've been taught<br />To take the blame<br /><br />Rest assured my angels<br />Will catch my tears<br />Walk me out of here<br />I'm in pain<br /><br />As my soul heals the shame<br />I will grow through this pain<br />Lord I'm doing all I can<br />To be a better man<br /><br />Once you've found that lover<br />You're homeward bound<br />Love is all around<br />Love is all around<br /><br />I know some have fallen<br />On stony ground<br />But Love is all around<br /><br />Send someone to love me<br />I need to rest in arms<br />Keep me safe from harm<br />In pouring rain<br /><br />Give me endless summer<br />Lord I fear the cold<br />Feel I'm getting old<br />Before my time<br /><br />As my soul heals the shame<br />I will grow through this pain<br />Lord I'm doin' all I can<br />To be a better man<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114604546506086431?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1145334369654218172006-04-18T11:35:00.000+08:002006-04-18T12:26:09.726+08:00yeah, so much for getting over someone... hmm, im slipping into another round of depression... its not as painful as before... but still pain... i dunno why but i guess ive been trying to hard to get over it as fast as possible... i noe... time will heal everything... but i dun wanna face the times... been keeping myself busy... yeah... but u cant help looking at couples on the streets having a good time with each other... even my best frend's attached... not that it affects me or anything... but i dun think he notices wad im going thru... so much for a best frend...<br /><br />i have other good frends or rather unique frends i call them... wan, is my twin brother, herman, is my older brother... but they all have the status same as eddie... my best frend... haiz... dammit im straying again... i cant believe i still miss her (the one of 3yrs)... and sometimes it hurts so much that i shed tears... why? i yearn for intimacy... in fact i dun mind committing, provided that someone could compliment me in my career... why? why do i miss her still? was it becoz she left me? was it becoz of wad she did to me? was it becoz im not chinese?<br /><br />am i cursed to forever love a chinese? im sorry if i sound bias, racist or even prejudiced, but trust me, ive had my fair share of dating malay gers... and they... wad can i say, i cannot connect... lisa would noe this... sometimes, when i look at the couples on the streets, they look so happy together, i was once like that... why cant i be happy now?... glenn once said to me, "<strong>no matter wad our accomplishments are in life, there will always be somebody that we need to make our life complete. this is the curse of a gemini</strong>" this sucks... well yeah...<br /><br />however, hua told me another thing too... "<strong>if by being attached means that i cant be with u guys, then why bother?</strong>" i agree with her too... but where, when and how do i come to terms with these things... im gonna lose it soon... argh!!! money also another prob... money i was depending on, is bounced... dunno why also... not my princess fault either... but i was counting on that for my mum's bdae which was like yesterdae... no money to survive either... damn it... made plans already this week... shit... wad am i gonna do!? gonna be grounded this week...<br /><br />alas... here i am, confused, bent, depressed, broken... heart and soul...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114533436965421817?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1145122616837536842006-04-16T01:32:00.000+08:002006-04-16T01:42:06.143+08:00"What Am I To You"<br /><br />What am I to you<br />Tell me darling true<br />To me you are the sea<br />Fast as you can be<br />And deep the shade of blue<br /><br />When you're feeling low<br />To whom else do you go<br />See I cry if you hurt<br />I'd give you my last shirt<br />Because I love you so<br /><br />If my sky should fall<br />Would you even call<br />Opened up my heart<br />I never want to part<br />I'm giving you the ball<br /><br />When I look in your eyes<br />I can feel the butterflies<br />I will love you when you're blue<br />Tell me darlin' true<br />What am I to you<br /><br />Yeah well if my sky should fall<br />Would you even call<br />Opened up my heart<br />Never wanna part<br />I'm giving you the ball<br /><br />When I look in your eyes<br />I can feel the butterflies<br />Could you find a love in me<br />Could you carve me in a tree<br />Don't fill my heart with lies<br /><br />I will love you when you're blue<br />Tell me darlin' true<br />What am I to you<br />What am I to you<br />What am I to you<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114512261683753684?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1144997718785184152006-04-14T14:17:00.000+08:002006-04-14T14:58:50.873+08:00wow... i just realized i havent blogged for like 5 days already... haha... oh well... i guess im just too busy that i lost track of the days... unknowingly, its already friday... lemme see, wad did i do on tues... oh yeah, little oaks... haha and not kiddy winkie... apparently, although i dreaded PDP (Physical Development Program), this particular childcare turned my perception around... or rather, its a montessori... im so in love with the kids... i have so many good things to say abt them tat i dun even noe where to begin...<br /><br />i had a rugby session with them... they were so cute and vocal too... communication with them were so easy... following that, on thursday, we were also involved in their easter sports carnival at botanical gardens... wad touched me even more was when their teacher handed me a package filled with the cards they had made for me and Brenda... i was quite overwhelmed by their appreciation at such a young tender age... and honest to goodness... we are continuing with the program... im looking forward to this new found motivation...<br /><br />wed was such a drag... JB trip was postponed and i was in the office the whole day... hmm... wad was i doing there? im still asking myself... slept overnight with eddie, lolS... thurs morning did little oaks... followed by dinner with jackie and lisa and the gang... had a really good time there at Conrad... and as usual... we outstayed everyone there... left abt 3.30am... i took a night owl service home... and that was the first time i took that service home... i was so tired and sleepy that i looked like a drunkard while walking home... got home abt 4.45am and showered and went to sleep abt 5am...<br /><br />only to be awakened by my nagging mum abt me coming home late everyday, not contributing enough to the family... and the usual criticism abt the company.... and so on... it has come to a point where i cant be bothered by wad she's saying... screw it man... im moving on with my life now... its full steam ahead and im not gonna be daunted by wad lies ahead...<br /><br />there's one thing though thats been on my mind... my princess... i guess... i still have a tinge of feelings for her still... but im not gonna do anything abt it... looking at things, im happy the way things are... however, im still quite emotionally dependent on her... or rather, she's my confidant... i do hope my friendship with her will last... i do miss her now and then... and i do hope she noes that i still care for her as always... though we dun tok as much as before... i just want her to noe im still here for her...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114499771878518415?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1144667749251238922006-04-10T18:33:00.000+08:002006-04-10T19:15:49.396+08:00hmm... im finally on leave... and for the first time i woke up like 10.30 todae... did my laundry and practically dragged myself to office later... in the office now... lolS... gonna go thru some shit with hua later... lolS... been a while since i last updated my blog... saturday was my last duty day... 7-8 hrs of detail... cool... gonna miss that place... gonna miss some of the pple there... other than dat... ORD lor!!!<br /><br />looking back on the past few days... as i reminisce the 2 yrs that have gone by... my tribulations in life, love, work and everything else... i realized it has been a wonderful and enriching journey... im happy now... moving on to the next phase of my life... i want intimacy but i dun <em>dare</em> to commit... so screw it... if things happens, let it happen... i am not gonna look anymore and just be happy... with myself...<br /><br />wads loneliness...? its subjective... thanks ken... being lonely without love, being in love and still feel lonely... i kinda get wad u meant... been thru it b4... but wad is loneliness when u have frends and family...? the things u want and need... pamper urself... i got more wishlist now... lolS... my crumpler bag... when will u be mine? $200... haiz... more clothes to get... tops, bottoms... haha... was at F.O.S yesterday with herman, elliott, and kenneth... almost went crazy there... wanted to buy everything... haha... but then, my pay this month has put a damper on my financial status...<br /><br />P.S. also has a lot more things to offer... didnt noe john little has a lot of things that i can get at very affordable prices... its not abt brands now... its abt how u look in it... when u feel confident, u look confident... im waiting for progress package... lolS... bumped into amy while at P.S. or rather she saw us... chatted a while... feel good that she's having a good life, a bf and everything else, a career... im happy to see her happy... herman's good too... or rather... elliott's enjoying his new found career... and kenneth... haha... hope he finds a gf...<br /><br />gonna be an eventful week this week... tmr having kiddie winkie in the morning, extend my passport at Safra Tamp, prob meet herman... wed going JB... the whole day there... thurs got kiddie winkie in the morning... dinner for jackie... fri movie with kris... sat and sun, well... we'll see wad happens... on top of everything else, swimming training everyday... i dun feel much nowadays... nor think a lot too... guess its time to start anew in my life...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114466774925123892?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1144305111780930542006-04-06T14:18:00.000+08:002006-04-06T14:31:51.796+08:00bloody hot day today.... damn it... almost melted away on the bus just now... the damn aircon wasn't working... either that or the driver has problem with being cold... in office again todae... going for training soon... gonna ORD soon... yahoo!!! 14 more days to go... clearing leave this sun all the way... civilian life im looking forward to... later got meeting with the platoon and RSM... not that it concerns me or anything... but just going down to watch a show... some debate session is gonna happen... haha... lolS<br /><br />been a roller coaster 2 days since i last blogged... been stuck in camp basically... tues stay in... wed duty and here i am, back in the office... training later... argh... got some bad news though... heard that im gonna receive lesser allowance this coming mon... shit... there goes all my finance planning... haiz... wad to do? dead broke now.... penniless... argh... been bugging me the whole of last nite... its driving me nuts...<br /><br />wed going JB, then thur going KTV... how to survive...? oh yeah, mummy's bdae coming too... thats more stress... still like a long way from getting my progress package... camp pay also not in yet... wah... somebody save me!!! i guess i have to learn to survive... how? i'll think of something... anything... in order for me not to die for the next few days till mon... then i'll think of something again... haiz...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114430511178093054?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1144036329728573102006-04-03T11:51:00.000+08:002006-04-03T11:52:09.730+08:00"There will be moments in life when in the excitement of the situation, a particular course of action appears to be the smart one to take. If doubtful whether it is honest, ethical or moral, the straight path, even if less advantageous, is the one to take."<br /><br />Something i received from a very wise man (glenn...lolS) yesterday while on duty... a lot of things have been going thru my mind lately... work, family, frends, love... everything was in question... its not easy having to think abt every single one of these thing... some of it is driving me nuts! my mum just asked me for money again... haiz... wads happening?! its f**ked up man... going for training later... at least thats doing me some good...<br /><br />its time for me to let go... if u r reading this, just wanna ask, are u sure u love him or is the fear of letting go thats holding u back...? u r in something that u dun wanna be in... its human nature, i evoked a lot of emotions and suppression that lay dormant in ur heart... u felt fear, pain, anguish... u wanna let go... but wads holding u back? fear? memories? ask urself this...<br /><br />i realized something... i havent been toking to u abt ur bf ever since u knew how i felt towards u... i dun think thats fair for u... i havent been a frend to u lately... falling is easy for me but to recover is not... i already have one foot in this thing... before i stepped in the other... i better remove the current one... dun worry... im still here... as always...<br /><br />wad gives me motivation? hah... i guess i have to motivate myself... there's no one or nothing that can motivate me if i dun do it myself... setbacks after setbacks... i need to push myself..<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114403632972857310?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143935242881927722006-04-02T07:32:00.000+08:002006-04-02T07:47:22.893+08:00hey hey, a frend of mine been reading my blog and so have I.... thanks for the advice kenneth... i noe wad im doing and ive weighed the consequences... im prepared... i noe coz it has happened to me... i dun blame her (my ex) at all... neither do i bear grudges against the 3rd party... but im moving on... and by moving on is not by choice that i fell and have feelings for another girl... in which the situation is made worse by her being attached... as far as i noe, u r the onli gemini i noe who has been in control of ur feelings... sometimes u do feel like shit... i understand... but i guess u r happy doing things the way u normally do...<br /><br />i may have many tribulations in life with regards to love... but im not afraid to take the plunge... getting hurt and so on is part and parcel... but its the journey that one has to be prepared to take... i used to feel that im not gonna give a 100% in future but i feel that's not fair... and my dear princess, if u r reading this, if u could be mine... i wont short change (hold back) my feelings for u... thanks ken, good to noe u r still ard... hope to catch up with u soon... btw, i noe its nice of u to give me this advice but dun worry... i'll be fine...<br /><br /> "Before I Fall In Love"<br /><br />My heart says we've got something real<br />Can I trust the way I feel<br />Cuz my heart's been through it before<br />Am I'm just seeing what I want to see<br />Or is it true<br />Could you really be<br /><br />Someone to have and hold<br />With all my heart and soul<br />I need to know<br />Before I fall in love<br />Someone who'll stay around<br />Through all my ups and downs<br />So tell me now<br />Before I fall in love<br /><br />And I'm at the point of no return<br />So afraid of getting burned<br />But I wanna take a chance<br />Oh please<br />Give me a reason to believe<br />Say you're the one that you'll always be<br /><br />Someone to have and hold<br />With all my heart and soul<br />I need to know<br />Before I fall in love<br />Someone who'll stay around<br />Through all my ups and downs<br />So tell me now<br />Before I fall in love<br /><br />It's been so hard for me<br />To give my heart away<br />But I would give my everything<br />Just to hear you say...<br /><br />Someone to have and hold<br />With all my heart and soul<br />I need to know<br />Before I fall in love<br />Someone who'll stay around<br />Through all my ups and downs<br />So tell me now<br />Before I fall in love...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114393524288192772?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143889546359454792006-04-01T18:27:00.000+08:002006-04-01T19:05:46.430+08:00wad a day it has been for me... i didnt sleep a wink last nite... yesterday after training i waited for herman... he installed a corporate version of the antivirus program for me as well as zone alarm... my laptop feels good now... protected... lolS... waited for princess to end her work... kept her company now and then... i held her hands... it was a nice feeling... weird but nice... im falling again...<br /><br />had a late dinner at holland... the old man was late again... lolS... met up with him after my princess left for home... had a long chat with him till morning... settled a lot of things... ive fallen... he said... friendship was salvaged... but the respect is no longer there... i have to earn it again... i understand... but its not easy for me... it wont be... i dun even noe where to begin...<br /><br />to eddie, wan, hua, cyril, ming...<br /><br />im sorry...<br />i dunno wad i could do to undo the damage ive done...<br />but i truly apologise for wad has happened...<br /><br />felt shitty when i went to work todae... reached camp at 7.45 am and i concussed on the bed till like 10... groggy still, i found out i start work at 11... sentry duty... f**k... went back to sleep and woke up later only to feel so reluctant to even do my detail... went to sentry... damn it... i went back in coz im not needed there and i went to watch my saturday morning cartoon... went back home at 12... stupid day...<br /><br />on the way home... got a msg frm elliott... movie at 9... wanna go or dun wanna... turn out later it was cancelled... francis was too tired... tats fine... all the way home... she was on my mind... i miss her... why? she replied my msg, and i called her for a chat... she just woke up, lolS... was reluctant to hang up but i have to... i noe the weekends was out of bounds for her... coz i chose to... as much as its not wad i want but it had to be the way... i felt like shit...<br /><br />reached home abt 1.30 and watched more cartoon... till like 4.30 onli to be awakened by my sis asking me to order some pizza... went back to sleep and woke up again like 6... ARGH~!! dinner was alright... movie cancelled... oh well... here i am... blogging again...<br /><br />in this moment i feel vulnerable... like the yearning to ask her to be mine... yet its wrong... hell its wrong from the very start... seeked opinion from the old man last nite... i dunno how to explain but i understood wad he meant... it wasnt negative nor positive... "love is complex" he said... its all up to me... am i feeling wad im feeling? why do i miss her? feeling blue, green, yellow, red, black, jaded... it sux... is this love...?<br /><br />for you princess...<br /><br />"Colourblind"<br /><br />Feelin' blue, while I'm trying to forget the feeling that I miss you<br />Feelin' green, when the jealousy swells and it won't go away in dreams<br />Feelin' yellow, I'm confused inside<br />A little hazy but mellow when I feel your eyes on me<br />Feelin' fine! Sublime!<br />When that smile of yours creeps into my mind<br />Oh oh<br /><br />Nobody told me you'd feel so good<br />Nobody said you'd be so beautiful<br />Nobody warned me about your smile<br />You're the light, you're the light<br />When I close my eyes<br />I'm colour blind<br />You make me colour blind<br /><br />Feelin' red, when you spend all your time with your friends and not me instead<br />Feelin' black, when I think about all the things that I feel I lack<br />Feelin' jaded, when it's not gone right<br />All the colours have faded, then I feel your eyes on me<br />Feelin' fine! Sublime!<br />When that smile of yours creeps into my mind<br />Mm mm<br /><br />Nobody told me you'd feel so good<br />Nobody said you'd be so beautiful<br />Nobody warned me about your smile<br />You're the light, you're the light<br />When I close my eyes<br />I'm colour blind<br />You make me colour blind<br /><br />Blinded by the light you shine, the colours fade completely<br />Blinded by you every time, I feel your smile defeat me<br />I'm colour blind<br />I just can't deny this feeling<br /><br />Nobody told me you'd feel so good<br />Nobody said you'd be so beautiful<br />Nobody warned me about your smile<br />You're the light, you're the light<br />When I close my eyes<br />I'm colour blind<br /><br />Nobody told me you'd feel so good<br />Nobody said you'd be so beautiful<br />Nobody warned me about your smile<br />You're the light, you're the light<br />When I close my eyes<br />I'm colour blind<br />You make me colour blind<br />I'm colour blind<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114388954635945479?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143804239789520282006-03-31T19:03:00.000+08:002006-03-31T19:28:50.876+08:00hmm... wad shall i write abt todae? i noe my entry is a bit late... but i just feel like blogging now... duty was f**ked up yesterday... bloody sinjiao tried to play punk with the detailing... 2hr break, 3hr detail, 2hr break, 3hr detail and another 2hr break and 3hr detail... next morning still got 3hr detail, armed somemore... NB! neh mind... im clearing arms next week... see how they play punk with me... glenn was rite... shouldnt have too much emotional attachments... 20 more days to go...<br /><br />one f**ker took emergency leave/compassionate leave due to death, his grandmother... only for us to find out later its was his grand aunt... NBCCB... okie... that was duty yesterday... lolS... a day in the life of a mainland RP.... tmr still have to come back frm 9 till 12... bloody BB had to use our carpark as a checkpoint for their cycling event or something... wad to do... i volunteer lor... coz those sinjiao play punk again... wanna take leave lah, take MC lah... wait till i throw my clearance file... MF... but neh mind... i got one less stay in...<br /><br />today was fine... dismounted at 10! bloody USMS again... but i got my revenge... hahah... sabo them with some kuku suggestions... clocking device for prowlers and handing/taking over file for late comers... damn all of u to hell... oh well...<br /><br />reached home abt 1130 and i tot i was late... but when i called her, hahah, she just woke up... and she was late.... hahah... suan her just now... we had lunch at bugis and bought some stuff for Mel... went down to office after that... she wanted to sign up for something and i was beside her... felt good being close to her... wished we could be closer... interrupted later by Mel asking me go for training... damn it... hahah...<br /><br />i got her to listen to a song just now... hope she understands where im coming from... just for u...<br /><br />"What Good Is A Heart"<br /><br />I told you how I felt,<br />I told you what it meant,<br />But I still haven't changed your mind,<br />I know that you're afraid,<br />You're frightened of the pain,<br />But you can let down your guard...<br /><br />Cause when we run, when we hide,<br />We deny what's inside...<br /><br />What good is a heart if you're not gonna use it,<br />What good is a love if you're too scared to choose it,<br />If you're heart is beating, then it's for a reason, girl,<br />If you're not even willing to start, what good is a heart?<br /><br />Don't make the same mistake that people often make,<br />And miss out on a chance for love,<br />You've got to make your move, you've got to make it soon,<br />Cause you're dying inside...<br /><br />Yes, I'm a man, but I cry,<br />I have fears, I won't lie...<br /><br />What good is a heart if you're not gonna use it,<br />What good is a love if you're too scared to choose it,<br />If you're heart is beating, then it's for a reason, girl,<br />If you're not even willing to start, what good is a heart?<br /><br />Come on, baby, you know it, girl,<br />Anyone who looks can see that I'm right,<br />There's a chance here, we could take it,<br />Or regret it for the rest of our lives...<br /><br />What good is a heart if you're not gonna use it,<br />What good is a love if you're too scared to choose it,<br />If you're heart is beating, then it's for a reason, girl,<br />If you're not even willing to start, what good is a heart?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114380423978952028?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143651570294215332006-03-30T00:39:00.000+08:002006-03-30T01:05:59.806+08:00read her blog just now... dunnno wad she meant by it but as days go by... my feelings seems to deepen... i dunno whether is this for real but i miss her when i dun see her... aiyah... im getting myself into trouble again... haiz... screw it lah... something for u princess... all that i am...<br /><br />"All I Have To Give"<br /><br />I don't know what he does to make you cry<br />But I'll be there to make you smile<br />I don't have a fancy car<br />To get to you I'd walk a thousand miles<br /><br />I don't care if he buys you nice things<br />Does his gifts come from the heart?<br />I don't know<br />But if you were my girl<br />I'd make it so we'd never be apart<br /><br />But my love is all I have to give<br />Without you I don't think I could live<br />I wish I could give the world to you<br />But love is all I have to give<br /><br />When you talk (when you talk) does it seem like he's not<br />Even listening to a word you say?<br />That's okay babe, just tell me your problems<br />I'll try my best to kiss them all away<br />Does he leave (does he leave) when you need him the most?<br />Does his friends get all your time?<br />Baby pleaseI'm on my knees<br />Praying for the day that you'll be mine<br /><br />To you... (hey girl) hey girl,<br />I don't want you to cry no more inside<br />All the money in the world could never add up to all the love<br />I have inside... I love you<br />And I will give it to you<br />All I can give, all I can give<br />Everything I have is for you<br />But love is all I have to give<br />But my love is all I have to give<br />Without you I don't think I can live<br />I wish I could give the world to you<br />But love is all I have to give... to you<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114365157029421533?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143635787119616562006-03-29T19:02:00.000+08:002006-03-29T20:36:27.190+08:00I cant believe i wrote that blog last nite... the title was totally different from the contents... haha... wad was i thinking... haha... haiz... gonna ORD soon... 22 more days to go minus 3 days of leave... so total 19 days... duty tmr... gonna be shitty... meeting up with glenn later... if he could...<br /><br />cant believe i'll be starting work soon... its freaky when i think abt it... melvin told me one thing... jack told me another... think im gonna listen to mel instead... training has been progressing well... im proud of myself to say the least... still got work on it some more... perfection is wad i seek... i believe i can achieve it... im just concerned abt my finance after army... thankfully for the progress package that i'll be getting, it will definitely help me to tide over... the gang wanna go Redang for diving this may... should be able to... not only that, my team mates wanna go JB one last time b4 we all ORD... wah... wad timing...<br /><br />and yeah... my mum asked me whether im getting any gold for her... and she seems persistent... wad can i say? sometimes i just dun understand, she's getting her own share... the way she puts it across to me just aint fair either... yeah... my sis contributes to the household... but in wad capacity am i able to do dat? i dun earn much, neither will i be earning big bucks in the company... but she expects the most out of me... like 90%... how am i supposed to survive...<br /><br />she always says i never care... like my hp, unlike my sis who always sells her hp to get money to pay for bills... but i dun see that it makes sense... its not once, or twice but almost everytime... then she also asks me for money... even worse... borrow frm my frends... and its in hundreds everytime... sometimes i feel like telling her who asked her to get those stuff in the first place... yeah, my sis never gets the stuff she wants... but isnt she being too emotional and not thinking abt the future? is she being realistic in these things?<br /><br />she told me off just becoz i said i dun have that kinda money... its not a bit but almost half of the amount that im entitled... wad am i gonna do later...? i dun really care abt my sis... sometimes she doesnt even think for herself... in fact, she's selfless to a fault... i dun mean to sound selfish... but ultimately, its her problem if she doesnt have a life with her frends but i do... so she can give all the money she earns to the household... i cant... why cant they see that?<br /><br />i wanna go for a short trip with my frends, JB is not an issue... i need a break after army... wad am i gonna tell her? im taking a holiday?... she chided me just becoz i cant buy her jewellery... comparing me with my sis... i admit... ive not achieve anything in my 3 yrs in poly... but im doing something that i believe strongly in... and i finally realize wads my calling... entertainment... they will never see that... they just want me to earn money, lots of money... why? then they even criticise the pple in the company being racist... slavedriver... and so on...<br /><br />i definitely dun feel that way or i wouldnt have stuck to the company for the past 2 yrs... another thing, when i cant get the money frm my frends... she gave sarcastic remarks saying that considering they are working, they dun have money? has she ever realized how embarassing for me to keep asking my frends for money all the time? i might as well be frends with bill gates... i just wish that my mum realize wads more important in this life than just having lots of money... its really disappointing to see her like this...<br /><br />every month when she gets all the bills, she will lash it out on me... saying she wanna terminate the internet... and everything else... argh~!~! i just feel like moving out sometimes... the things i get... its with my own money... simply becoz these are the things i wanna... my laptop, my iPod, my home entertainment centre... these things mean something to me... im different frm normal guys... im glad im forced to grow up and learn to appreciate the finer things in life... i also desire the simpler things in life as well... call me selfish wadsoever... but i dun wanna burden my parents...<br /><br />they will never understand how indebt i felt towards them... the path that ive chosen, i have carved out my own path... i wanna give them something they can be proud of... ive not been able to when i was in poly... but i never see myself as a failure... i learn to seek other opportunities and ive landed myself in somewhere that i noe i can make it... but they see it negatively... they even asked me to sign up with some CNB dept and be an officer there... im not interested... but if were to tell them, they would say i dun care... but have they realized that im old enough to noe wad i want and wad im capable of?<br /><br />haiz, i wish my princess is here... she just msged me... but she told me not to reply coz she did it out of boredom... silly ger... i miss her... but i noe she's not mine... she isnt to begin with... how sad is that... cant meet glenn in the end... got errands to run... gotta go... has my mum realized i wanted to use the money for my studies? my books? my driving lessons... i noe its not a lot but i wanna put the money to good use... but will she understand? nobody noes...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114363578711961656?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143565432683267352006-03-29T00:51:00.000+08:002006-03-29T01:03:52.736+08:00Off day today... as usual, went down office for training... got my freestyle corrected today... getting better at it too... hopefully will be ready when the time comes... just found out shah is back in singapore... got to noe the news frm jackie... lolS...<br /><br />went to meet jas and dawn after that at arab st for dinner... dinner was alright but the service was damn slow... almost wanted to walk out... had a good long chat with them... felt better we met up... been so long since i last saw them... jas still working at mediacorp and dawn got a new job as relief teacher... everyone's like living their own life now... good for them...<br /><br />met up with her after that... had dinner and was in a foul mood of confession... told her how i felt and asked several qns after that... had a long walk and talked somemore after that... she was okie though... sent her back to the MRT station after that... while waiting for the last train, we talked somemore...felt bad coz she's home later than me... haiz...<br /><br />yesterday was duty... nothing much though... a normal duty day... no nothing... but she was on my mind 24/7... even missed her.... all the time... oh well... lets see how it goes... im so damn tired... i dun even noe wad im doing... nites...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114356543268326735?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143390956007509462006-03-27T00:12:00.000+08:002006-03-27T00:35:56.046+08:00hah... 26th march.... its been 6 mths... that ive been single... lolS... why do i even bother... im happy... woo hoo... really dreaded waking up early todae... if not for a fact that i promised mel that i'll come down for swimming training... i wouldnt have missed my sunday morning cartoon... haha... too bad then... received a msg frm her... and immediately i found the motivation to go office... haha... the power of women...<br /><br />why did i have to open my bloody mouth and tell her abt the blog... but then again, she would have found out sooner or later... she left a note on my laptop when i went for my training and i read it only after when im with her... damn it... lolS. it was weird... i mean, i do admit im falling for her but after reading the msg, why do i feel pain... am i in love with her? well, thats for me to noe and for her to find out...<br /><br />i have to admit, a part of me wants to be with her... a part of me is telling that its not right... and a part of me is telling that it wont work out... but then again, im glad that she wants me to be a part of her... im happy enough to noe im a part of her life... the void that she's able to fill up is more than i could ask for... yeah, no holding hands, no kisses and everything... but im contented with being a frend.... like someone used to tell me... she's still young... and love is a journey... things take time... lets see wad happens... god... this is so scandalous...<br /><br />although she's worried, i just want her to noe that im okay... and that i will still be the same person she got to noe... one thing surprised me though... she is still a girl at heart... who wants to be taken care of and to be sent home everytime... unlike my ex... come to think of it... shes definitely different from my ex... thats one thing im very happy abt... at least, at the end of the day i noe that ive not fallen for a shadow of my past...<br /><br />just for u My ChOcoLaTe KiSsEs...<br /><br />"Still On Your Side"<br /><br />You found a place where you belong<br />New friends that can do no wrong<br />That's what you believe<br />But who is going to be there when you fall<br />To build up when you are feeling small<br />Give you love that you need<br />Who will, I will<br />When the whole world turns against you,<br />Ain't no lie<br /><br />Don't you know that<br />I will stand up for you<br />No matter what you are going through<br />I'm still on your side<br />Any time day or night<br />Don't care if it's wrong or right<br />I'm still on your side<br /><br />You want to run you want to break free<br />What you want ain't what you need<br />Can't you see that I care<br />I know I'm hard on you sometimes<br />But when you are looking for the things you can't find<br />Don't you know who'll be there<br />Who will, I will<br />When it's more than you can handle<br />Ain't no lie<br /><br />Don't you know that<br />I will stand up for you<br />No matter what you are going through<br />I'm still on your side<br />Any time day or night<br />Don't care if it's wrong or right<br />I'm still on your side<br /><br />I'll be there, I'll be there, I'll be there<br />I'll be there when you need me<br />I won't let you go<br />There's nothing I won't do<br />I'll be there<br /><br />I will be around when the others let you down<br />I'm still on your side<br />Anytime you need help and you can't find nobody else<br />I'm still on your side...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114339095600750946?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143260721686148612006-03-25T11:48:00.000+08:002006-03-25T18:04:09.846+08:00such a slow and lazy saturday morning, i tink i should blog more often, i guess its healthy and a place i can bitch abt something. gonna go down office later, settle some stuff with work. sometimes i dread going there. but hey, since im gonna work there, might as well make it my second home... literally...<br /><br />there's something on my mind... everyday in fact! i dunno why but im falling for someone... when we went out for the first time, i was feeling something something weird inside that i cant describe. we spent a day together, just walking ard. she was shopping and i was watching her shop. we talked, and got to noe each other better. and we've been chatting on the phone almost every nite.<br /><br />however, there's one thing thats an issue. she's attached. i noe its wrong. its damn wrong. but is this the way its supposed to be? i feel so guilty that i dun even noe where to begin. am i doing things becoz of wad i feel, or is it something that happened to me that im reliving the past. i noe this is pathetic but when im with her, i feel that im attached again...<br /><br />not that she's an exact replacement for my ex or anything but to be honest, i was touched by her sweetness. she's the sweetest person ive ever known. and being with her is like being with someone that i used to love. call me a fool for love or wadever it is but thats me. i just want simple love, jian dan ai.... is dat too much to ask.<br /><br />then again, when i do think abt getting attached, im quite freaked out by the commitment it requires. 3 years ago, i could but now, i dun think so. or i may not think so. im starting work on may. gonna ORD in 20th april. in between i'll be committing myself to be ready to join the company. work will be forever be ard. i noe im ready to commit; to work at least, but not others. which is anything besides work.<br /><br />u see, there's a lot of things i wanna do to make sure i stay relevant to the company, not only that, its wad i wanna do too. where do i even begin? studies, i wanna get my degree within the next 5 years, starting with my 1 1/2 yrs diploma program, followed by 1/2 yr advanced diploma and finally a 2 yr degree program. wad am i pursuing? a degree in mass communications at MDIS.<br /><br />thats one thing, second is my career, as im working, im studying as well. i see a lot of potential in this company, thats why im so in love with it. its different from others. my parents may not understand, neither will my frends but they never realized the changes that the company had underwent to get to where it is now.<br /><br />i'll be in the corporate dept when i start work (that explains the degree im pursuing), i discovered this interest when i was doing camps for the company, glenn always mention that i have the flair for it, he made me believe in myself. no one has ever done that. he even made me believe in the things i wanna do. once he said "<strong>i may not be rich but im contented</strong>". that phrase has been on my mind all the time. i dun wanna join a company and tink abt making lots of money but i wanna be in one that i can make money, be contented with wad i can accomplish in time to come and be happy.<br /><br />i wanna enrich myself with a lot of things. to learn new skills, im picking up swimming again, im learning to coach, i intend to get my life savings cert, my first aid course, ropes course, learn mandarin, play a guitar and also to drive. ambitious? yes, but its achievable. i wanna be all rounded and stay relevant in the company especially in the dept that im allocated to. and i wanna achieve these things over the next few years.<br /><br />at the end of the day, where do u tink i'll have the time to commit to something like a relationship. the thought of 3 yrs being forsaken just like that makes me realize that a relationship is something that u have to consider very seriously. glenn once told me, "<strong>love is a journey, take ur time</strong>". i believe in that now. no matter how long u are with a person, its a journey that both have to take the time to go thru together.<br /><br />sometimes i just feel like being attached and not committing. its easier said than done. but thats wad i feel. im tired yet i yearn to hold someone's hand, to be in her arms and kiss her tender lips as i lay my soul to sleep at nite. maybe wad i need is a companion. coz glenn (again?!) once told me that "<strong>we geminis needs someone in our lives to be complete</strong>". i dunno, i guess i just shouldnt commit now. but that doesnt mean i cant get a girlfriend. haha.<br /><br />i noe, im a jerk, but i beg to differ. life is never so simple when it comes to things that matter to u. coz im cursed to love a girl not of my race. and it sux. wait, dat doesnt mean ive never been involved with a girl of my race. its just a matter of preference. ive never been able to fall for a malay. not that i lack in the looks dept but its the heart that matters. at the end of the day, where do we go frm here? are u willing to convert? thats always that the knife that cuts deep into the relationship and tears it apart.<br /><br />i believe in one thing, god has created someone for me... but please god, let me meet her now... lolS! basically, when i analyze it, i tink ive come to a conclusion, get a companion, be attached but dun tink so much, if it lasts, its good, if not, thats life, we have to move on... ultimately wad i want is a companion that i can cherish my moments with. besides, there will always be someone better that will come along. until that day that i get to meet u, that will be the day i'll marry u... till then...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114326072168614861?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1143059819282329892006-03-23T04:14:00.000+08:002006-03-23T04:36:59.320+08:00haha, this is so lame... its been so long, since i updated this bloody blog...<br /><br />well, its been a roller coaster ride for me these past few months... my relationship that went down the drain just like that, my friendship with my frends strained very badly by myself of course, my family, hah, nothing new... haiz... man, its was the lowest point in my life... just when things couldnt get any worse...<br /><br />but i held on... settle one thing at a time... relationship, aiyah, screw it lah. i dun blame her, it was about time anyway. why drag the matter... its over. she took the easy way out. f**k it and move on lah shai... in fact i have... so many gers to see, so little time... with gers like those ive known, who needs a gf... lolS<br /><br />my friendship... haha, money is evil man... so never get involved with money... damn it... btw, familiarity breeds contempt... so better not get too involved... so i settled that already... and finally my family...<br /><br />i seriously tink my family has been cursed... considering wad have been happening... i have reason to believe that my family seriously needs some divine intervention. other than that, my life has taken a change for the better...<br /><br />tied up a lot of loose ends... set and chosen a career path for myself... gonna ORD soon... feel great at the same time sickening... though i hate to admit it, im gonna miss that f**ked up place... as well as the close frends ive made... but thats life, u have to move on...<br /><br />attended a very good camp recently... bloody hell, everyone cried... been so long since we had an emotional attachment to any camps... am i losing my touch? i hope not... some interesting things have been happening in my life recently... but im not gonna reveal... im happy with the way things are... lets just leave it that way...<br /><br />basket im not sleeping again... but then again, neither is she... but gonna fall asleep soon... but damn it... later got work... lolS<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-114305981928232989?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1126418850359078402005-09-11T13:45:00.000+08:002005-09-11T14:07:30.366+08:00Okay, lemme see... dunno why im doing this but someone called me up the other day to update my blog... guess she's been reading... yupS... lolS. it did cross my mind to update but i dunnoe wad to write... a lot of things on my mind but dunooe whether to pen them down on the blog.<br /><br />first of all... it was a good break to be on holiday... KL was good... shopping, clubbing(Zouk KL) and eating... hah! bonded with more frends and patch up some strained ones. almost wasted myself over there but i held on... a frend of mine said that the experience would have added 2-3 more years on top of the friendship ive had... i believe i went on an emotional discovery and came back renewed... i finally found myself again...<br /><br />next thing were my poly frends... one (sebaz) just flew off to UK for studies... will be sad to see him go... he was a good person... a frend indeed... oh well... wish him all the best over there... one goes and another one comes back (herman)... cant wait for his return... owe him one the last time coz i didnt manage to attend his farewell... the rest are good... very good in fact... just need to keep in constant contact with them only... things are looking good... i dunnoe wad else to describe... dammit... im losing my adjectives...~!<br /><br />work is not looking on the bright side... system is gonna change... means, no sleep. getting new SBOs and dun even noe when it'll ever arrive... shortage of manpower and some f**ker can have the decency to CK... NB! lolS... even with a system change... it'll still be subjected to further changes... haha... good luck to me then... but when i kinda think abt it... im only left with 7 months more... how much worse can it get? we shall see... haha...<br /><br />my other work life is looking good... doing more and more events... yeah... tiring but i guess i have to start somewhere... the family day i had ended with a BANG... yeah... a fire... but i still feel i did a good job in finding out and realizing wad i can really do and wad im cut out for... maybe by relating to these past few events, i understood wad those times realli meant for me... i think ive decided... im going to do mass comms...<br /><br />my relationship... lolS... taken on a whole new meaning... im glad ive sorted things out and finally moved on... and if she's reading this, i just want her to noe that I love her and that Im right with her every step of the way... maybe time will tell... im still coping though... but i believe this is how it should be... chill, relax shai... good things are coming ur way... haha...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-112641885035907840?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1122395981705309192005-07-26T23:54:00.000+08:002005-07-27T00:39:41.756+08:00this is beginning to be a routine, but i guess its good for myself. had a meeting last nite, followed by late supper with some of my frends. it was nice. but somehow or rather, just b4 that, during the meeting, i sensed some hostility from cy. we didnt tok much. no usual joking and kidding ard. maybe he was tired. maybe something else. i dunno. i didnt wanna think so much. just wanna get thru the meeting and get out of the place as soon as possible.<br /><br />the whole lot went for supper after that. had too much to eat though. not to mention 2 milo dinosaur. after that i realli felt like a dinosaur. the bunch of us tok and joked till like 2.30 am in the morning. that was long... but it was worthwhile. considering the time we have not met up to chat. the old man dropped me off at balestier and i took a cab home frm there. was cheap, considering midnite charges. managed to speak a bit to him but we decided to save it for another day. went to sleep at 3.30 in the morning.<br /><br />went for duty the following day... yeah right, 1 1/2hrs of sleep. im amazed at how i survived today. luckily it rained this morning. so quite relaxed. almost fell asleep during detail. lolS. 4 hrs straight and off to the bunk i went. 5hrs later woke up refreshed. YEAH. surprisingly, got a call frm cy. surprised he wanted to meet up to pass me the old man's dvd. as if...! he wanted to go for a haircut. i went thru in my mind wad i intended to say to him when i meet him later. later that evening, at bugis we met up and he handed me the dvds.<br /><br />dunno why, we started toking as we walked ard. im surprised myself. maybe bcoz im the only one ard and that he needed company. not that i wanted to intrude or anything, but things seems normal after a while. he was more cheerful than the night b4. maybe he enjoys going out once in a while. guess i was realli free to go down all the way there. we parted ways abt 9.15 and i got home at 10.00. one thing i could not forget b4 we parted was that he said take care to me when we shook hands. guess things were fine after all. maybe things are back to normal.<br /><br /> i needed that break too, considering ive not called jh at all the whole day. yeah... she didnt call me at all the day b4 too. she only called in the morning and thats it. so its been 2 days since i last heard frm her. i miss her but i guess there are other things on my mind. im puzzled that it doesnt hurt like b4. or maybe im too caught up with other things to feel it hurt so much. somehow or rather i hope it wont come to a point where im gonna lose her emotionally. or maybe she has lost me emotionally. i guess the pain has numb my heart. if she loves me, she'll call. but i doubt she'll call.<br /><br />call me stubborn or wadever. egoistic, i dun think so. i just want to be loved. is that too much to ask? maybe she doesnt feel as strongly as i do for her. maybe she just wants a companion. as far as im concerned, the loneliness of being attached is worse than the loneliness of being single. sometimes ive always wondered wad it would be like to be single. its not that i regretted being attached now, ive never did. im not tempted either. just wondering though. all these thoughts went thru my mind on my way home just now. felt a little down but not sad. after writing down wad i think, im beginning to miss her. one solution... go to sleep... sleep it off... thats one advice cy told me and thats wad im gonna do. later...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-112239598170530919?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1122269708676146432005-07-25T12:47:00.000+08:002005-07-25T13:35:08.686+08:00To Err Is Human, To Forgive, Divine. something i read somewhere a long time ago. times have changed, so do pple. or have times changed pple. pple i call my frends especially. its sad to noe that Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, Cry and no one cries with u. as far as it goes, ive always been there for my frends. its a personal promise ive made considering my upbringing. now, those whom i considered were frends, have left me here with nothing at all.<br /><br />im not wallowing in self pity, neither do i need any. i just feel betrayed. some are just plain ungrateful. why must it turn out to be this way? im not sure either. why cant pple just be honest? no one's perfect. so? i noe frends cant always be there for u but i noe for a fact that those whom u call a brother have some ties that bind that comes a long with it. one thing for sure, Familiarity breeds contempt.<br /><br />the more u noe a person and the closer u get the more flaws u see in them. hey, it may be a bad habit or wadsoever. but if its a one off thing its okay but wads more important is to look beyond the person and look wads within him/her. at least that how ive lived by. whether its a virtue or my undoing i dunno but ive always have a lot of faith and trust in my frends. the closer ones especially. to me, ive always given everyone the benefit of the doubt. and stood up for them if they have been wronged. i am not afraid to take the fall for them if my feelings tell me they are not worth it. this have always proved to be true to me until recently.<br /><br />my frends say ive changed. im not the person they used to noe. but how many actually noe me? in front im always smiling, laughing, joking and wadever. but underneath the facade, wad am i? when u strip me down to the bare essentials, im a troubled soul. everyone has problems, yes. just that im very good at not displaying them. maybe too good in fact to a point i became a trouble shooter. problem solving = shai. wad an equation. wow! it doesnt take a rocket scientist to realize that.<br /><br />to a point, where do they think i unload or go to to talk abt my problems? u wanna noe? NO ONE. ive always tot of others first then myself. i dun mind listening to ur problems and try to help in whichever way that i can. ive always kept my side of the promise, im always a phonecall away. but has anyone ever considered this... or to even stop and even bother to ask me whether I have problems? most of the time, i would say noe. but when u look at it, if u often ask, the person will eventually open up to u. at least u cared.<br /><br />for me, ive always paid very close to body language and facial expressions and im always very observant of my surroundings. too good sometimes in fact. to a fault. but not everyone is like dat. its okay but when they react to their problems like losing temper etc im always ard to explain to the rest wad happened in actual fact. i mean, i understand and try to make pple understand coz no one is at fault. but as much as pple are entitled to whine and bitch abt something, i try not to do that. till now...<br /><br />problems come and go and its not easy when u r working and thinking abt ur problems as well. wad makes it worse is that, here u r, standing every hour, with eyes wide open, mental alertness and u cant help to start thinking abt ur problems. and the best thing is, u cant do anything abt it. coz u noe why? coz u r stuck in camp. military camp that is. every negligence will earn u one extra. interesting isnt it?<br /><br />after that, frustration sets in. like a time bomb, anything that triggers it, it will blow up. thats wad happened to me. i blew up. at some pple. and for that im being judged now. my performance in my other commitment is also affected and therefore im being judged. my frends deserted me, colleagues turned me away, everything is pointing towards me. and im losing my value in the commitment ive worked so hard for.<br /><br />i admit ive slide backwards but consider this, duty, camp, duty. i have no choice but to pace myself or i have to answer to a lot of things undesireable. i need a break, from everything but i cant. tired, mentally and physically, i cannot perform. im sorry, thats all i can say for now. i noe im not iron man. but i tried. this is not an excuse but my explanation to those of whom ive offended in one way or another. hope u realize i am human, made of flesh and blood.<br /><br />but some just went on with it in the most vicious way. throughout the times ive spent and invested in u, im accused of trespassing into ur space. im like taking away everything from u. have u heard of saying no? did u even realize that it was a period where a lot of things were happening in sequence? fine, it hurts coming from u but wad can i say, its a cruel world and a cruel place. ive decided to let go of this. but it wont be the same no more. the person whom ive always held in high regard for hurt me when i least expect it. wad have i done to deserve this betrayal, i dunnoe. but imagine this, wad if it were to happen to u?<br /><br />im moving on now. no thanks to the pple ive cared for, but i noe one thing's for sure. it wont be the same anymore.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-112226970867614643?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1122266597554688392005-07-25T11:28:00.000+08:002005-07-25T12:45:10.126+08:00haha... back from duty... finally... 2 team mates just left the team... clearing leave... wonder when my turn will come... till date... 9 months left. got a call from mum again yesterday. same thing again. finance. money. wads new? ive decided to ignore the fact that my family is clouded with monetary instability and ive tried everything in my power and capabilities to help them. ive decided to leave it as that. moving on...<br /><br />told my gf abt my probs. yeah she heard it but no response. as usual. somtimes i wonder why i even bother. gonna be 3 years soon, yet, no changes. she should noe if she happen to read this blog... although i'd rather she not. i miss her a lot, in fact everyday but the feelings not mutual. i love her but hers is translated in actions in which it doesnt help coz we hardly get to meet up. its not her fault. just that she dun wanna get into probs with her family. i understand... as much as i try to, sometimes its not that easy.<br /><br />she didnt answer my calls yesterday but there's always an excuse. her hp is in the bedroom and its upstairs. i dun even wanna react to it anymore. there's no point. we'll only end up quarrelling again. and there goes my chance of seeing her too. i really wish that one day she'll realize that i love her more than anything else and that she could start thinking again. there's so many things i wanna do with her. swimming, blading, playing sports, movies, watching the sunset, anything! rather than having to walk to one mall after another.<br /><br />she told me she used to be a netballer. i was impressed. but now, why stop? why the lack in confidence? i dunno either. i want her to be out there enjoying herself. is that too much to ask. there's always a void when we go out together. merely holding hands and a kiss or two is something i consider normal in a couple. but we hardly sit down and tok anymore. its always abt shopping and not having enough money. is that all abt the relationship?<br /><br />i noe she isnt materialistic. but why think only of that? there's more meaningful things out there we could do as a couple. i love her. i have to accept wad she is but i cannot accept wad she's become. i wanna help but she refuse. wad should i do. she's stubborn, so am i. is it too much to ask? she can be so cold at times. just hang up and not say anything. ignoring me even when she noes im not happy with something. she doesnt console nor say anything to make me feel better. wad happened?<br /><br />its so easy to say, let go. but try 3 yrs and u'll noe wad i mean. and i will not give up on this relationship like my ex. but the truth is, its hard. she doesnt even apologize for hurting me let alone feel apologetic. in fact she doesnt care whether i cry anymore. yes i do cry, coz i always ask myself why does it hurt so much? am i being over sensitive? then i realized, everything she says or does affects me in every way. guess she wont understand how strongly i feel abt her. only god knows. and god if u can feel wad i feel... take me away... i'd rather die than be without her.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-112226659755468839?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1122135892722001522005-07-24T00:09:00.000+08:002005-07-24T00:36:46.586+08:00Alright... tonite was cool... i was beginning to enjoy myself after a long while... dinner was good and so was our coffee chill out session. Plaza Sing wasnt that bad after all... dunnoe why im doing this but i guess it helps me translate how i truly feel abt everything... from my friends to my loved ones... yeah... watching Bring It On now... brings me back to the days when i was one...<br /><br />like i said, tonite's gathering was good... too bad amy left early... the rest... haha... nana and xiuhui were taking pix of themselves with my phone leaving sebaz drooling with envy... baz if u r reading this... get the phone~!~! ell and ken were the same... goofing off... lolS... had so much fun tonite... i was right after all... i do miss their company... as for the other grp, well they can wait...<br /><br />miss jinghui though... she went to her frend's party... even when i got home, she's still there and she still taking a bus home... haiz... she makes me worry for her all the time... didnt get to see her this weekend... maybe next week... argh....<br /><br />tmr, or rather later is duty... 2 laojiaos leaving... my status is elevated... lolS... so will my workload... then later next day meeting... haiz... starting to get busy again... dunno wad time i'll be going home this time... lolS... hmm... wad should i do with so much break time tmr... hah! SLEEP... yeah!.... okie... thats it for tonite... time to bathe, call my sayang and go to sleep... nite world!<br /><br />LOOK OUT WORLD, HERE I COME...<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-112213589272200152?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1122106938581625572005-07-23T16:02:00.000+08:002005-07-23T16:22:18.633+08:00Alright now, its time for me to move on with my life. Life's been hell lately. maybe the word is not hell but i guess i kinda worry for things that are not even worth worrying abt. been making things worse lately... think i need to refresh myself and get things going again. i know ive slide backwards but its never too late...<br /><br />been neglecting some things in my life... my poly friends.... my self and ultimately my work... my work? wad would it be...? army?? camps?? i'd choose the latter. yeah, ive been slacking and not wanting to admit it. pple said ive changed.... guess i was blind to realize that they meant well... i have changed... not for better, but for worse... this sux~!~!<br /><br />gotta do something... just anything... my gf's not giving me prob actually... I AM! to my dear brudder in hougang... i noe ive been such a pain in ur ass... just one thing though... next time tell me... i believe things will look better from now on.... coz i noe i can pen down my thoughts at this place...<br /><br />i miss some pple... amy, ken, ell, baz.... and the rest... wad have i done? i guess i took it for granted that they'll always be ard... yeah... ard... but its not for my convenience... they are my frends~!~ they dont deserve this. its not fair. they deserve better... i used to care so much for these pple... wad happened now? i need to get back together and start hanging out with them. at least they are genuine abt certain things and definitely more down to earth. i owe them that much at least. i knew them longer!~!<br /><br />my instructors... why they turn out like that? i dunnoe... and i dun care anymore... why should i bother... they wont be able to put themselves in my place and they can never will coz they are not me!~!~! ive always been a so called big brother of the camp but i guess its time to move on... its a lonely road... yes this is true... but i dun think its fair for me to always want all of them to move up along with me if they dun wanna... i cant force them...<br /><br />to glenn... yeah... pple lose sight of things... and i have lost sight of certain things... in fact, a lot of things... we have not been communicating much nowadays... things change... pple change... but i cant stay stagnant... i finally understood why u gave me the 1st piece of the cake... its a reminder... i will carry on the legacy... i will make a comeback...u can count on it...<br /><br />i will not worry for things that are trivial... but i set time, enough time to react to these issues... they are not urgent... but they need my attention... but i will handle them when the time comes... now is the time to fix broken ends... and prove myself to my frends and to earn my value to the company that i intend to work for... shit happens... so? pick urself up and move on... and thats exactly wad im gonna do... its time... for a new beginning...<br /><br />SHAI IS COMING BACK!!!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-112210693858162557?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1100410821830817492004-11-14T13:57:00.000+08:002004-11-14T13:40:21.830+08:00hey all... <br /> <br />this place is a tribute to everyone who have made a difference in my life. <br /> <br />To my other half: <br />how i'd wished i've known u earlier. it has been a wonderful 2 years and the joys u have brought into my life is irreplaceable. i just want u to know that i cherish every moment we spent together. the tribulations that both of us went thru together will forever be etched in my mind as fond memories. thru good times and bad, we've been thru it together, and i noe that u will be there for me and vice versa. from the bottom of my heart, ILY... <br /> <br />To the Amazing Amy: <br />been so many years, yet our frendship stood thru the test of time. through quakes and choppy seas, its been a amazing having u as my one and only sister, from the day i knew u, u have grown up and blossomed to be a lady that any guy in our group would die to have. but alas, u were never meant to be with any of them. its okay, uf bf is okay too. do me a favour and stay the same, coz if i could i would never wished for u to be any different... <br /> <br />To the Entertaining Eddie: <br />wad can i say, my bro that i went thru shittified times with. we were rivals in our pursuit of passion yet we bonded thru the rivalry. thanks for being ard for me. it was good having ur company, especially when u r up to ur antics over and over again. haha. school was so epic for the 2 of us but ur departure frm sch was quite unexpected and unwanted. but then again, u survived and did well so far. carry on and many sincere thanks to u bro... <br /> <br />To the Kinky Kenneth: <br />u r the only gemini whom i noe is the exact opposite of me when it comes to romance. haha, no pun intended. hey bro, u've been great being in my life and being more than just a frend. we had great times together. especially at the airport. haha. many thanks to ridhwan though, another of our gemini counterparts. and ken, thanks for bringing me back to reality sometimes. without u, i dunno where my directions in life might lead to.... <br /> <br />To the eXtreme Xiaoming: <br />hmm, wondered how we got so close. that requires the CSI team, CIA, FBI and so on to come to the crime scene. hah! ur company is always welcomed in my presence. a great pal and bro. wad else can i say abt ur extreme behaviour. haha. never fails to amuse me. dont hurt urself unnecessarily okay, there are so many things out there that u can do... <br /> <br />to be cont'd... <br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-110041082183081749?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1100408070135510452004-11-14T12:55:00.000+08:002004-11-14T12:54:30.136+08:00Okay lemme see, <br /> <br />this should be my second post after weeks of absence. a lot of things have happened lately. eddie's birthday, his declaration that im his best frend, herman's return, endless gatherings and yadda yadda yadda. <br /> <br />kinda exciting for me so far, catching up on old frends and times... seeing old frends whom i hold dear to all this while. and of course telling my other other half abt this blog that she has yet to see. yeah, she laughed when i told her abt it. but then again, i believe it would be nice. haha <br /> <br />it's hari raya today, everything's slow moving, and so is my body, slacked and lazed ard doing nothing. but will be ripping CDs soon that i punked frm elliott. transfer the mp3s into my new baby(iPod) and will enjoy myself thoroughly doing that. <br /> <br />this place will be a tribute to my closest and personal frends i gotta know from poly... <br /> <br />to be cont'd... <br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-110040807013551045?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8619905.post-1097125730703284722004-10-07T13:05:00.000+08:002004-11-14T12:45:23.663+08:00Helloe All, <br /> <br />Yes, I believe by the time u guys found out abt this, u should be on the floor rolling and laughing ur hearts out... I never thought of doing this though but i guess i need an avenue to let my thoughts (or frustrations rather) out. And i guess why not? <br /> <br />Oh well, this is my first time doing this so pardon me if it doesnt look or even sound professional like those other online blogs u've seen so far. <br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8619905-109712573070328472?l=shaiguy.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>ShaiGuyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17921528211254905450noreply@blogger.com0