Angels Cry

Angels Cry

I shouldn’t have walked away
I would’ve stayed if you said
We could’ve made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I’m still on the ground

I couldn’t have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
‘Member we used to touch the sky
And Lightning don’t strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love’s a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

C’mon babe can’t our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon’ make it right
I’m on the edge just tryin’ to survive
As the angels cry

Ne-Yo:
I thought we’d be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn’t always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin’ stupid
And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
And We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

‘Cause lightning don’t strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love’s a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry

Mariah & Ne-Yo:
C’mon babe can’t our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon’ make it right
I’m on the edge just tryin’ to survive
As the angels cry

Baby I’m missin’ you
Don’t allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I’m reaching for you

Baby I’m missin’ you
Don’t allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I’m reaching for you

Lightning don’t strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love’s a gift
But we let it slip
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Oh babe, the angels cry

Screwed Up

Sayang, i dunno why... but when times are good, i always screw up... i just had a funny feeling that you'll call and true enough u did... then again, its like somehow i knew you may just be ard... there's a few things that came to my mind when u called...

scenario 1:

you are at my school and waited to surprise me, but only to find out im not there... i'm already feeling guilty as it is coz if i said i didn't go, i'll feel damn bad... though i'll get scolded, but i noe the damage is already done...

scenario 2:

lie abt it and hope u buy the idea... unfortunately, u will still find out... haiz...

scenario 3:

tell u the truth, and get f**ked for it... and then find out later u were actually there at my school waiting for me in vain...

in whatever scenarios, im sure to get f**ked, feel bad and guilty all rolled up into one... sometimes, u do the most wonderful things when i least expect it... i dunno sayang... im really screwed up... seriously, at certain times, i just wish that i could just die...

otherwise, its just wishful thinking on my part, i would feel even worse if i knew u came down, despite the fact ur bike already has problems... haiz... sayang... im in a dilemma... both ways, i'll just disappoint you... and im sorry i didn't update you that i didn't go for class... i should have and avoided all these drama...

im sorry...

I want to know what love is...

im beginning to understand what it takes to love somebody. at least, i hope so...

when she left, i thought my world would end. in a way, it did for a moment. but after listening and understanding her needs, i realized i have been tying her down. she's still young and she has a lot going on for her. the things i've shared with her (mainly about what i want) was slowly strangling and choking her. it was a mistake on my part truthfully.

i didn't realize that she loved me so much that she gave in to everything that I WANTED... not what SHE WANTED. i was blinded by the expectations and the ideal vision that everything i was doing was for us, but the fact remained that it was what i thought and assumed. i didn't fully discussed and consult her about it.

we belong in two different worlds as she said, i partially agree. it's just an age gap, nothing more than that! i failed to realize that she's still a girl. a girl that i fell in love with. she needed someone of her age group, not mine... for that, i'm willing to turn back my own clock for her. if you asked me, i'd say she's worth every single moment of it!

after talking to her last night, for the very first time, i listened to what she needed, someone to listen to her. i understood her fears, her hopes and her dreams! and true enough, i was weighing her down. being of different age and lifestyle puts us in different status also.

i guess it's too late to reverse back time and change things! I love her still - very much it moves me to tears. as much as she wants to end this, i know she still has feelings for me. i can feel it when she holds me, when she smiles at me, when she kisses me.

i just hope that with time, i could show her that i love her unconditionally. i guess it's time that i show her my love, instead of telling her but not doing it. if it means that i could see her again and not say but show her how much i love her, i'd rather settle for that than not having to see her at all.

I Love You, Kat...

I know things may not be what it used to be, but given time, I hope we could renew our promise to each other...

Loving you always, Shai...

Consumed...

I dunno where to begin... what started out as a beautiful thing, suddenly ended just like dat... why must things turn out this way - again... i shed tears for days... hoping that i could move you with it... apparently, it is not enough... u told me that you wanna stay as friends... u told me u can't commit... i noe... i have to honour that request... even though it is consuming me from the inside...

i wanna cry out loud coz im in pain... at times ive contemplated suicide... seriously... i was shocked when u updated ur profile... i guess i have no say anyway... i still love u regardless... it sucks... to noe that the one you love, wants to cut ties immediately... revert to friendship and yet, she loves you still... my only fear... to see you in someone else's arms... this means, i'm as good as dead... i guess that's when my life ends...

im in complete utter turmoil... i can hardly eat... i can hardly sleep... all my thoughts... in the memories... bittersweet memories that makes my tears flow... where do i stand? i dun even dare to think abt it... where do u stand? i guess you know... i love you still... and if i could turn back time... i wish i could prevent all this from happening...

i wanted to leave something on her facebook... but i decided not to... which explains why this blog is reactivated... a place to pour my heart and soul out... i will be missing her all the time... and as im typing this, im trying to hold back the tears once more... will you come back to me...? i dun dare to think abt it... i will only end up in depression...

i love you dear... if only you knew...

a translation of my feelings for the day...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh29K1q-kb8&feature=related

A New Beginning...

I dunno wads wrong with me lately... late nights... toking to her on skype... till like 3-4am almost everyday... is this wad u called love? obsession? or the romantic part? haha... wadever it is... its like a drug... and im enjoying it every night...

its been a looonnng time since i last behaved like this... the interesting part... we are only dating... and dating in this way, exclusively, is pretty unique and different to begin with... no doubt, i love being with her every second... despite being cute... in a physical way... i wanna squeeze her like a doll every time i see her...

its nice having someone to tok to everyday... having someone to look forward to meet you at the end of the day... best thing of all... she lives practically a stone throw away from me...

at this present moment, i just wanna help her get thru her sketchy past... i noe... its not gonna be easy... but i noe from her, that as each day passes by, she feels more for me...

toking to her last night... cleared a lot of things btw us... for a fact, she was touched by wad i said that it moved her to tears... i guess i managed to find my inner soul by baring it out all to her... at least, she noes im serious abt this...

wad is it like to fall in love again? i dunno how to describe it... weirdly... it felt familiar... the things i normally used to do for my loved one... its coming back to me now... i just wish that she would get over the past and finally move on along with me... there's so many things i wanna do with her... looking ahead, i wanna go on a holiday with her... something that i was never able to do with my exes... at least, i got the go ahead from my folks... next up, maybe a weekend trip to KL or Mersing...

as im typing this, listening to 'di yi ge qing chen', on auto loop, i feel renewed and alive again... finally, im moving on with life...

Now That I Found You...

Hmm,

its amazing wad 5 days can do to u... ive always thought 3days of camp would bring abt pple closer... making them feel like they've known each other for months... but i guess god brought u forth for a reason... and i thank you for it...

"Now That I Found You"

How can I believe that my
Heart would find someone like you
You see the real me
No in-betweens, I had nowhere to hide
You took away the walls around me
Made me feel safe to share my truth

I see the heavens open
A heart that once was broken
Is holding nothing back
Now that I found you
You hold me like a prayer
And touch me everywhere
A lifetime just ain't enough
To love you true
Now that I found you
Now that I found (you)

You believe we're meant to be
Our chemistry will last forever
And through the years we'll see some tears
We'll conquer fears
Together we will grow
Looking in your eyes they tell me
I'll no longer have to be alone

You, you see me
The real me
You believe in me

So glad that I found you

I'm Back...

Haha...

It's been 3 freaking years since i last blogged... haiz... a lot has changed... but tonight, im starting with reactivating my account... so if anyone's following my posts... stay tuned... coz shaiguy is back!!!